Duty of the wife

SB 1.9.48, Purport: Gandhari was a powerful ascetic, although she was living the life of a faithful wife and a kind mother. It is said that Gandhari also voluntarily closed her eyes because of the blindness of her husband. A wife's duty is to follow the husband cent percent. And Gandhari was so true to her husband that she followed him even in his perpetual blindness. Therefore in her actions she was a great ascetic. Besides that, the shock she suffered because of the wholesale killing of her one hundred sons and her grandsons also was certainly too much for a woman. But she suffered all this just like an ascetic. Gandhari, although a woman, is no less than Bhismadeva in character. They are both remarkable personalities in the Mahabharata.

SB 3.22.11, Purport: Two words are used in Sanskrit literature; one is grhastha, and the other is grhamedhi. The difference between grhamedhi and grhastha is that grhastha is also an asrama, or spiritual order, but if one simply satisfies his senses as a householder, then he is a grhamedhi. For a grhamedhi, to accept a wife means to satisfy the senses, but for a grhastha a qualified wife is an assistant in every respect for advancement in spiritual activities. It is the duty of the wife to take charge of household affairs and not to compete with the husband. A wife is meant to help, but she cannot help her husband unless he is completely equal to her in age, character and quality.

SB 3.23.4-5, Purport: The wife is expected to be of the same category as the husband. She must be prepared to follow the principles of the husband, and then there will be happy life. If the husband is a devotee and the wife is materialistic, there cannot be any peace in the home. The wife must see the tendencies of the husband and must be prepared to follow him. From Mahabharata we learn that when Gandhari understood that her would-be husband, Dhrtarastra, was blind, she immediately began to practice blindness herself. Thus she covered her eyes and played the part of a blind woman. She decided that since her husband was blind, she must also act like a blind woman, otherwise she would be proud of her eyes, and her husband would be seen as inferior. The word samanuvrata indicates that it is the duty of a wife to adopt the special circumstances in which the husband is situated. Of course, if the husband is as great as Kardama Muni, then a very good result accrues from following him. But even if the husband is not a great devotee like Kardama Muni, it is the wife's duty to adapt herself according to his mentality. That makes married life very happy. It is also mentioned herein that by following the strict vows of a chaste woman, Princess Devahuti became very skinny, and therefore her husband became compassionate. He knew that she was the daughter of a great king and yet was serving him just like an ordinary woman. She was reduced in health by such activities, and he became compassionate and addressed her as follows.

SB 3.23.6, Tanslation and Purport: Kardama Muni said: O respectful daughter of Svayambhuva Manu, today I am very much pleased with you for your great devotion and most excellent loving service. Since the body is so dear to embodied beings, I am astonished that you have neglected your own body to use it on my behalf. It is indicated here that one's body is very dear, yet Devahuti was so faithful to her husband that not only did she serve him with great devotion, service and respect, but she did not even care for her own health. That is called selfless service. It appears that Devahuti had no sense pleasure, even with her husband, otherwise she would not have deteriorated in health. Acting to facilitate Kardama Muni's engagement in spiritual elevation, she continually assisted him, not caring for bodily comfort. It is the duty of a faithful and chaste wife to help her husband in every respect, especially when the husband is engaged in Krsna consciousness. In this case, the husband also amply rewarded the wife. This is not to be expected by a woman who is the wife of an ordinary person.

SB 4.23.20, Purport: Thus when a girl and boy are united, both are trained for a life dedicated to a higher purpose. The boy is trained to execute his duty in accordance with the higher purpose of life, and the girl is trained to follow him. The chaste wife's duty is to keep her husband pleased in householder life in all respects, and when the husband retires from family life, she is to go to the forest and adopt the life of vanaprastha, or vana-vasi. At that time the wife is to follow her husband and take care of him, just as she took care of him in householder life. But when the husband takes the renounced order of life, namely sannyasa, the wife is to return home and become a saintly woman, setting an example for her children and daughters-in-law and showing them how to live a life of austerity.

SB 4.23.20, Purport: When Caitanya Mahaprabhu took sannyasa, His wife, Visnupriyadevi, although only sixteen years old, also took the vow of austerity due to her husband's leaving home. She chanted her beads, and after finishing one round, she collected one grain of rice. In this way, as many rounds as she chanted, she would receive the same number of rice grains and then cook them and so take prasada. This is called austerity. Even today in India, widows or women whose husbands have taken sannyasa follow the principles of austerity, even though they live with their children. Prthu Maharaja's wife, Arci, was steadily determined to execute the duty of a wife, and while her husband was in the forest, she followed him in eating only fruits and leaves and lying down on the ground. Since a woman's body is considerably more delicate than a man's, Queen Arci became very frail and thin, parikarsita. When one engages in austerities, his body generally becomes lean and thin.

SB 4.27.2, Purport: A woman is generally accustomed to dress herself nicely with fine garments and decorative ornaments. She may even sometimes wear flowers in her hair. Women especially dress themselves up in the evening because the husband comes home in the evening after working hard all day. It is the duty of the wife to dress herself up very nicely so that when her husband returns home he becomes attracted by her dress and cleanliness and thus becomes satisfied. In other words, the wife is the inspiration of all good intelligence. Upon seeing one's wife dressed nicely, one can think very soberly about family business. When a person is too anxious about family affairs, he cannot discharge his family duties nicely. A wife is therefore supposed to be an inspiration and should keep the husband's intelligence in good order so that they can combinedly prosecute the affairs of family life without impediment.

CC Antya 7.104, Translation: "It is the duty of a chaste wife, devoted to her husband, not to utter her husband's name, but all of you chant the name of Krsna. How can this be called a religious principle?" <span class

Lecture on CC Madhya-lila 20.142 -- New York, November 30, 1966: Then he was (going to) Vrndavana. He saw another beautiful woman because he was practiced to that habit. So he was going behind. Although he determined, "Now I am going to Vrndavana," on the way he was again attracted by another woman. So he followed that woman. That woman belonged to a respectable family. So he came, and the woman said to her husband, "Oh, this man is following me. Please ask, 'What is the idea?' " So the husband asked, "My dear sir, you appear to be very nice gentleman, and you belong to very aristocratic family. From your appearances I understand. What do you want? Why you are following my wife?" He said, "Yes, I am following wife because I want to embrace her." "Oh, you want to embrace? Come on. Embrace. Come on. You are welcome. Come on." So the wife also... She (he) ordered, "Oh, here is a guest. He wants to embrace you and kiss you. So please decorate yourself nicely so that he may enjoy." So the wife also followed the instruction of the husband because wife's duty is to follow the instruction. And when Bilvamangala came inside before the woman, he said, "My dear mother, will you kindly give your hairpins?" "Yes. Why?" "I have got some business." Then he took the hairpin and at once pierced his eyes: "Oh, this eye is my enemy." And he became blind. He became blind. Then all of them... "That's all right. Now no more I shall be disturbed."

Initiation Lecture and Bhagavan dasa's Marriage Ceremony -- New Vrindaban, June 4, 1969: So this marriage ceremony is not for sense gratification. We should always remember. It is helping one another. The husband will help the wife, the wife will help the husband, so that both of them become advanced in Krsna consciousness and make their human life perfect. So there is no question of divorce. There is no question of separation. Because divorce, separation, these are meant for sense gratification. As soon as there is some lack of sense gratification, there is immediately divorce or separation. No. Here there is no such question. So our, this new bride and bridegroom should always remember that in any condition of life they should remain together. And that will be possible if they concentrate their ideas to Krsna consciousness. Then it will be possible. Otherwise maya will attack in so many ways and cause disruption in so many ways. So our... We are taking part in this marriage ceremony not like ordinary marriage. It is for making progress in Krsna consciousness. You should always remember that this marriage has no separation, no divorce. Lifetime. The husband will help the wife, the wife will help. There are so many things, duties of the wife. There are so many things, duty of the husband. And if they properly execute their respective duties and engage themselves simply in Krsna consciousness, the life will be very happy, and not only in this life, next life also. So take this opportunity, be happy. I want to see... Sarve sukhena bhavantu. That is the Vedic mission. Let everyone become happy. Sarve sukhena bhavantu. Let everyone be happy. And without being happy, nobody can execute Krsna consciousness.

Letter to Gaurasundara -- Los Angeles 16 January, 1969: It is very nice that Govinda Dasi is cooking for you and following my instructions. The husband's duty is to give the wife all protection, even from the material maya, and the wife's duty is to see to the personal comforts of the husband. In this way the husband and wife in cooperative spirit should execute Krishna Consciousness. That is my mission. In your country, practically everyone has no home life. So this Krishna Consciousness movement is giving them home life and the chance to live peacefully with wife and family.

Letter to Vrndavana Candra -- Los Angeles 24 June, 1970: So accepting always Krsna as the Supreme advisor and always begging for his mercy, go on with your progressive march -- and I am very satisfied with your activities. I am so glad to learn that your good wife is also helping you. That is the duty of a faithful companion of life. If the wife is helpful in the spiritual progress of life, she is the best friend and philosopher. So in Krsna Consciousness the wife is never a burden, but she is completely a counterpart. So set example to your countrymen how younger generation can live peacefully, husband and wife, being engaged in Krsna's service. There are many examples of this type of husband and wife working in our different centers for propagating this sublime message.

Letter to Tamala Krsna -- Bombay 20 December, 1976: Why the wife should be disturbed if she is living not in the association of her husband. When Caitanya Mahaprabhu went to East Bengal for preaching, his first wife was alone. Wife's duty is not to disturb the husband. That is Vedic principle. The marriage relationship is not for sex. Of course, that is the way in this age. So, such wife may marry for the second time, what can be done? Vedic marriage is not for sex.